Anxiety, IBS, and Insights

The whole point of this blog to try to help others through my own distressing experiences. If just one person can benefit or learn something, it makes it all so worth it. Today’s topic is anxiety and IBS (surprise!).

I recently started doing EFT again. I forgot how incredibly wonderful this technique is. This is the video I watched:

The reason I picked this video was from an observation I had about myself. As you know, I used to suffer from debilitating, horrible, almost daily IBS (with diarrhea). It was dreadful and quite traumatizing. Well, I’m virtually cured from it, but it reared its ugly head again last week. I don’t know if anyone else does, but I get extremely emotional when I get IBS. I cry a lot, I feel like a weak person, get very anxious, and wonder if I will ever be normal. So I sat (the best I could) with the uncomfortable physical and mental sensations this time, and asked myself why am I so afraid of IBS? I suddenly remembered my fiance had a bout of norovirius about five or six years ago. (For anyone who doesn’t know what it is, it is one of the scariest things to witness I have ever seen in my whole life). It started as diarrhea, with throwing up and within an hour and a half, my fiance was out cold on the toilet from being dehydrated and I had to call 911. We had to take him to the hospital, where it took over 25 minutes to find a vein (for an IV of fluids), since his veins were totally collapsed from dehydration. It all happened so quickly. It was horrible. The good news is, some fluids and anti-nauseous medication, and you heal 100% within a few days. Now, this doesn’t happen all the time, it is not too common. But what I realized was, I was traumatized from this. Every time I got diarrhea I was constantly monitoring myself, and terrified I was going to get norovirius. I did not realize that until now. I remembered EFT was great for releasing trauma, so I did the EFT video above. I cried a little and felt some great relief.

It is so totally normal to be traumatized from a situation like that. Which brings me to my next point. The next observation I made about myself was, deep down somewhere, I never gave myself permission to be scared, anxious, or stressed. Somewhere buried inside me, I thought I was not allowed to acknowledge stress in my life. Whether it was from my childhood or my own self-conditioning I do not know. But reading that last sentence sounds so ridiculous to me now. Why would you not be allowed to recognize stress? Well, I have spent may years learning about the law of attraction, or the power of our thoughts, and somewhere along my travels I thought if I acknowledged the stress in my life, it would magnify it and also prove that I was ungrateful. For instance, even when things are tough, plenty of people would love to be in my shoes so I should be grateful and not stressed or anxious. What I am learning now is I can be grateful AND allow myself to be anxious or stressed at the same time (you’re not magnifying the stress, just allowing the acknowledgement, we must validate our own emotions). So in this instance, I allowed myself to acknowledge that norovirius was a horrendous thing to go through and anyone would have been effected by it! So if I get IBS again, I will remind myself that norovirius is not common, its normal to be afraid after seeing what I saw, and even if I did get it, I will be okay. (I find running through a mental fact check of my current situation, during anxiety helps ground me).

To further the topic of me realizing I never allowed myself to be stressed, I thought back to when I opened my first business in 2014, by myself (this is when my IBS appeared) and I constantly thought something was wrong with me and I was broken. Where did this IBS come from? WTF is wrong with me? (And I actually remember saying to myself, ‘many people would kill for the opportunity to own their own business, I should not be so anxious). After these new realizations, I can’t even believe I talked to myself like that. And I had that business for a year and a half. It was successful and I even sold it. Of course it was stressful! It was a brand new business, and I have never started my own business before! What a huge relief that feels like to say that…wow. And I personally think my IBS was just manifested emotions that were stuck. Since I wasn’t allowing myself to be anxious or stressed, IBS manifested itself as a cleansing. (bottled up emotional energy can do amazing things to us). This was a big step for me. And I feel lighter as a result of this realization. But this is only part one.

So to recap, I thought I wasn’t allowed to acknowledge stress. Not only that but I wasn’t allowed to express stress. I remember growing up, I was not allowed to be anxious (although I remember my first attack when I was five) because there were always more important things going on, or I was told whatever I was anxious about was “completely ridiculous”. (No validation from my parent of feelings at all). So I learned, I better stuff those emotions or whatever, away because that’s not allowed. So now, I acknowledge my stress, and allow myself to feel anxious! My life is not perfect right now, and anxiety does pop up, but knowing I am not insane or broken, and anyone would be anxious in my shoes is like the biggest weight off my chest.

I have told friends and relatives about this (my brother in particular has been so supportive and I am so grateful) and they all say, ‘well of course you’re anxious over this or that!’ What a relief.

The point of this post if you’re reading this, is maybe your IBS is fear rooted somewhere; or maybe you are not acknowledging your own feelings or validating them. Or your anxiety. But please be kind to yourself. Do not ‘should’ on yourself ever. We are not broken people. EFT, self love, acceptance and allowing work wonders. Sometimes I wonder if all that shit like: IBS, Anxiety, Panic, fear etc, are all just pent up emotions or experiences trying to tell us something. It’s all fear based. Trying to protect us from something (real or in our mind). So during EFT, I thank my anxiety, thank you for trying to protect me. Then, while tapping, I tell it I/we are safe now, and we can handle this and do not need protecting. I am not perfect, but I will never stop trying to learn, improve myself or love myself more than I do now.

 

Thanks for reading!

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